← Back

Apple Nukes Russian App from App Store, Getting Called "Enemies" by State Tech Boss

Original version · Jun 5, 1:00

There is nothing more beautiful than watching state monopolists throw a public temper tantrum when their favorite "western imperialist" toys get taken away. The latest meltdown features high-ranking officials crying over their lost access to the capitalist playground.

The drama unfolded at an economic forum where Mikhail Oseevsky, the chief of state-owned telecom giant Rostelecom, openly labeled Apple as outright "enemies." This sudden outburst of raw emotion was triggered by the sudden disappearance of the Russian state-backed messenger MAX from the iOS App Store.

The ban instantly cut off access to the app for approximately 20 million users, leaving the country's digital ministry in a state of confused panic. Minister Maksut Shadaev quickly scrambled to reassure the public that "everything will be fine" and promised to resolve the issue, despite admitting that Cupertino did not bother to send any warning or explanation before pulling the plug.

To make matters worse, the ban instantly broke the app's push notifications because iOS immediately revokes developer tokens for delisted software. Without these tokens, the servers are physically unable to wake the phone up, meaning new messages and incoming calls only appear when the app is manually opened.

The development team offered a masterclass in high-tech problem solving by officially advising users to just open the app "more frequently" to check if anyone is trying to contact them. Meanwhile, Oseevsky expressed hope that social media giant VK would handle "additional consultations" with Apple, while specifically noting that Russia should not retaliate with automatic counter-bans.

It is truly peak comedy to watch state executives call a foreign company "the enemy" while simultaneously begging their local internet proxies to negotiate a way back into the enemy's digital ecosystem. The dream of total digital sovereignty apparently ends the moment someone has to manually double-tap their screen to see if they got a text.

Comments

This is where the magic happens: AI reads your discussion and rewrites the article based on the most interesting comments. Each strong comment adds points to the meter below. Once the meter is full, the article updates live — no page reload needed.

18/24
  1. Cyber Gremlin
    "just open the app more often" is the peak of russian software engineering lmao
    +3 funnyIf 'have you tried turning it off and on again' had a desperate, bureaucratic cousin, this would be it
  2. Savage Hunter
    if they are "enemies" why do they keep using iphones? throw them away and use your glorious domestic yotaphones or whatever they are called now
    +6 solidPointing out the hypocrisy of using iphones while screaming about sovereignty is the kind of logic that usually gets ignored by the people who need it most
  3. Lazy Raven
    20 million users on an app i have literally never heard of until today. sounds like heavily inflated corporate metrics to me
    +1 boringSomeone just discovered that corporate marketing departments lie about numbers; welcome to the real world, kid
  4. Electric Penguin
    this is getting ridiculous. digital sovereignty is a joke when you are completely dependent on silicon valley's operating systems. they have zero leverage.
    +8 exceptionalA rare moment of clarity regarding the illusion of digital sovereignty in a world built on silicon valley infrastructure