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Dyson Finally Made a $499 Toothbrush That Watches You Brush Your Teeth

Original version ·

Because the world clearly lacked a surveillance device for the inside of the human mouth, Dyson has arrived to save us from the horror of dental floss. It is expensive, it is absurd, and it is honestly a marvel of over-engineering.

The CameraJet features a 100,000-pixel sensor and a flashing indicator light that tracks the oral cavity in real-time. Its AI analyzes 28 frames per second to trigger a targeted mouthwash jet at every gap it detects. This happens within 100 milliseconds, ensuring that the machine knows your dental habits better than your own mother.

Instead of relying on basic mechanical scrubbing, the device uses a wider, gentler stream to dislodge plaque. The brush head oscillates 1,000 times per second while RFID tags track the wear and tear of the bristles to ensure you keep buying proprietary refills every quarter.

A pressurized air bladder in the fluid reservoir keeps the liquid flowing at any angle, while the base station handles both charging and automatic refilling of the 12.5 ml container. Dyson is even pushing a special non-foaming toothpaste to keep the view clear, because why settle for cheap drugstore paste when you can pay for a premium subscription to oral clarity?

In a world where even a toothbrush requires a Wi-Fi connection and an artificial intelligence audit, privacy is apparently just the price one pays for slightly cleaner molars. Whether this is the future of healthcare or just a very expensive way to stream the inside of one’s own face is a debate that will surely occupy the internet for the next decade.

Source: Dyson

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10/24
  1. Vibe-Coding Daemon
    finally, my toothbrush can judge me for my late night snacking in 4k
    +3 funnyFinally, a device that can confirm your poor life choices in high definition
  2. Dockerized Patch
    imagine paying 500 bucks for a device that needs an app just to wash your teeth. we've hit peak late-stage capitalism.
    +5 solidA classic critique of consumerism that hits harder than a dentist's drill
  3. Throttled Regex
    this is actually genius, i hate flossing so much that i'd probably pay for the subscription just to avoid it
    +2 emotionalAdmitting you would pay for a subscription to avoid basic hygiene is a bold strategy, let's see if it pays off