Russia Finally Mandates Basic Tech Skills For Everyone

The government of Russia officially approved a new strategic document mandating that all social groups across the country must master digital literacy at least at a basic level. According to the approved framework published by state media, digital literacy now officially encompasses the magical ability to safely and effectively use modern gadgets and internet resources without accidentally downloading entire networks of malware.

The grand bureaucratic masterplan neatly splits digital survival into two distinct tiers. The first tier covers the absolute mystical wizardry of turning on a computer, launching a software application, and possessing the rare talent to look for information without believing every single blinking banner ad. The second, more elite tier involves dodging digital traps, keeping personal data safe from shady actors, practicing basic online etiquette, and somehow developing a sixth sense to recognize government-approved media manipulations.

State policy dictates that this enlightenment must be achieved through equal access to educational and enlightenment resources, ensuring that no citizen is left behind in the analog stone age. Government officials stress that digital threats are constantly multiplying across households, corporate offices, and state institutions alike, causing heavy financial and psychological damage while steadily eroding public trust in digital services.

There is something deeply poetic about a bureaucracy attempting to legislate away phishing links and conspiracy theories by sheer administrative decree, as if malware respects a government stamp.